2004-05-23 - 8:18 p.m.
I feel like crying. Its been a bad weekend. Had two fights with lawrie. The last one ended with me texting him to leave me alone. I was so pissed off, I swore and he told me to grow up.
My hands are sore. I’ve been working in the kitchen for four shifts over the weekend. Eating well, but my body’s tired. My work hasn’t been done, and I’m working tomorrow and going to see the play.
All those words written in an effort to distract from the fact that a huge part of my life is missing. Told him to figure out what he wants to do with the V tic. I can’t image going with him and Bonnie, the fact that he did not invite me to the party but was willing to throw her one. I hate him. Not for not loving me, but for using me, for putting me second best to others, for making me feel like he did not think me worthy of introducing to his friends. For keeping me separate. I’d hate anyone who did that.
I remember when that happened in Norway. The invite to a party which was a joke. A joke because who would want me to come, fat and ugly. Crying now. The memory of it.
I just have to keep telling myself that I am worthy, valuable and if he doesn’t feel that, then I’ll find people who do, and I have many down here who value my company. I just have to keep that in the front of my mind, and hold out till Friday.
