2004-03-30 - 12:39 p.m.
30/30/2004
Dear Lawrie
(started writing this as an e-mail and then though it would be better as a letter)
I’m not sure if you would have preferred this in a letter. E-mail is easier for me because I don’t have to buy stamps ext. My only point/issue/question I wish to make is; I don’t understand why you think I wouldn’t be upset about you writing a song about flirting with and wanting to have sex with Bonnie on the same day as having sex with me after celebrating my birthday.
I just can’t understand why you wanted to tell me about it. In a letter you must have known I’d read when I got back tired from travelling and being with her for a week. And then you say that you wished I and her had ‘gotten together’. When ever I feel sad about us not going out together, I force myself to think of that, and it makes me angry.
That was what I wanted to tell you. Its not something I’ve done, an action I’ve taken, it is a feeling, an emotion I have towards you. I knew I felt it when I read your letter, and when we talked, I knew why I felt it too. But I didn’t tell you because you were hurt, and you don’t seem very strong right now. The fight about timing was valid, you as my ex and friend should not be calling me between the hours of 10:30 pm -10 am for a chat. Important life altering events ok, and if you disagree with this, ask people what time they would call their friends. If I'd needed to talk about Itally I would have called Heidi.
I’m sorry if this upsets you or makes you angry. We could fall into ‘being friends is not right’ if that makes you feel better. But I find that hard because your not treating me like a friend –not as far as I can see. I’ve stopped taking my phone to work, and I’ll start switching it off when I’m not avaible, so you won’t have to remember any ‘rules’. I should be home Wednesday evening if you’d like to talk to me (since you texted me last night, and this morning I gather there is something that’s on your mind, but it could have also been that you were bored on the way to work)
I'm not sending this to make you angry or mad. It did hurt me but I can deal with it. I do not wnat you to be mentally upset by it. I want you to understand how your actions effect those around you. I guess you'll feel guilty. I have nothing against you writting the song,
