2004-02-29 - 3:32 p.m.
I hurt him. After all my talking, I texted him this morning. I’m fed up of the silence, it drives me nuts. I don’t stay silent, I yell, I talk…So I texted him ‘it really fucks me off that when effort was required in our relationship you found that you did not love me. But I’m sure that you will, or have found another emotional slave. I’m surprised you aren’t constipated.’ Hmmmm…not nice, but damn I was mad. Looking back on it now, I feel used, exactly in the same position as before he told me he loved me. Exactly that position. And now …he was trying to be sweet and nice, and I kicked him. I doubt he’ll forgive me. But hell, why should I need his forgiveness?
I really do look back on it and think that I became is emotional slave. I could never be angry or sad, or anything but happy around him. It was so false. And then he made no effort…he really didn’t. He cooked may twice, came down to see me three times, never sent me letters, or bought me things. The best present he bought me was for valentines, the day before he tells me he does not love me any more. –what did he expect, love does not just appear, and stay. You work at it.
Its not all his fault (or even most of it) but I really get angry at the idea that our relationship was nice and lovely because that was what relationship are always, it was that way because I worked god damn hard. And he’s thrown it in my face again.
