2004-02-25 - 3:57 p.m.
25 Feb. 2004
Dear Lawrie,
Ok sue me. I want to talk to you but your not here, and I’m not going to see you in ages. I wish we could go out to the pub…do things like friends. But –time and space don’t conenside. So I’m writing to you.
I’m sorry if that’s weird. I’m also sorry if you don’t want to get a letter from me. See my world has been shaken and I’m not sure what you want from me, so your getting what you’ll get, and unless you say, back of woman it will keep coming. And I do write to my friends when I get the time so don’t think I’m being deviouse or something.
It’s a bit weird. And this is going to be the only thing I’ll say. I miss your phone calls and how you were on the phone more than I miss the sex. Over the phone I can here you try to make distance, maybe not consciously but you do. I look up to you, I admire you, which is why I like making you laugh on the phone. I always thought that telephone calls were crap, but I now think they are more itimate than I thought.
Anyway enough of that. My sister wants to set me up with an American football player. I can see she’s happy that she’s going to spend time with me more. We’ve agreed to go jogging and swimming together. I’m happy to see her smile more. She’s thinking of getting a job in the US (she’s now applied for them) so I won’t see her much after may. I was thinking of living with Sara next year if she’ll have me. She’s in a nice house with duff flatmates. Its only 200 pounds and that would give me some cash for travelling. I think I’ll be going back to A’dam soon, maybe for queen’s day. I hope you manage to have the fun you want in Preston. I’m trying to organise a trip to New York as well…but have to see about the money. Actually I’m not going to post this. I’ll put it on my diary…I don’t want to hurt you, or make you feel uneasy.
I told B. that I wanted to go on the pull. Its like a race to find someone first. I hope to god its me. Not find someone, but pull them. Would give me some –some –some feeling of distance.
