2004-02-24 - 5:03 a.m.
God I feel so crap. My week has been totally devastated. I feel like running to the nearest bridge, but I know…actually there is the river…its likely they would never find me…just got overwhelmed then…tears poring down my face. Did the eight ball –have been doing it the whole night…positive, and then I got a negative…as I thought really. My heart just does not believe it. Starting to feel again. That st john’s wart is good. Damn…I really really wish a bus would hit me tomorrow.
Why can’t this be a game, why can’t I wake up. Why can’t I just not be here…I really wish I’d killed myself in a’dam. It really was not worth ending up here. They are wrong when they say killing your self is not logical and rational. It makes fucking perfect sense.
