2003-02-26 - 12:24 p.m.
Hi,
You know those mornings when you wake up dreading the fact your alive? Today was one of those. But its getting better, the morning meeting went well, breathing is still painful, but life’s not stinging the eyes anymore. The afternoon is going to drag. God knows if I’ll stay at uni this afternoon.
A weird thing happened to me yesterday. Got on the lunch time bus up to uni, and sat down next to this 16 year old kid. Who then got up and said “I’d rather talk to the driver than sit there”. Not quite sure what to make of it all. I’m not that degusting.
Then of course I went out with the other students to the pub for dinner. Had judgement thrown back into my face, and as it dripped down I admitted that these people are not mine. I’m not too sure what to do now. I should throw myself into work, give up any idea of loving these people, of being any type of real person with them, keep myself inside. But some how that makes me sad, makes me stare into the darkness. Maybe tomorrow I’ll spit into the wind and curse them, demand that they change. We’ll see.
