2001-02-13 - 14:03:35
ok so today I have some sense of what I want to do with these pages. I've decided that like most other diaries everything here will be true, or at least as true as I see it. I think this will not only make it very interesting, but also give me an outlet which I need in my life.
I have another website under tripod, but because I know some of my friends read those pages I try and keep it clean. Even then these people know that I'm a little nuts.
But this diary will be my thoughts, unheld by thoughts of who's going to be reading them.
So my thought for today is that I am tired. I'm always tired, drained of energy, and fighting to stay alive.
Another thought for today would be that I've decided that I don't need to find a man to sleep with before I turn 26. Yes I am nearly that old, and a heterosexual virgin. Mind you since I've already done the homosexual thing, virgin is a rather strange label to use. I had been thinking that sleeping with a guy was a thing that should be done, and that me being celibate was making me nuts. And I do think it does. I am so sexually frustrated that hugs, and close contact are hell. Thank god for the late night soft porn.
The final thought for today has to be about Ralph (tall, dark hair, broods, dead sweet). I know I have a thing for guys who are safe because they are in relationships, and because they are kind enough to let me drool from afar. Poor Ralph, because I myself can't stand this behavior. It's so pitiful. But then I suppose there is a chance he might not know (it's a very small chance). And then there is the part of me who wishes he did know. See, then my frustrations would be taken care of! But till then I've started e-mailing a guy who wanted to have virtual sex, and I'll keep yous informed of how that goes.
Mary.
