2001-05-12 - 12:20 p.m.
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I sit writing this naked in front of a mirror. In this new room the whole of one wall is taken up by three full length mirrors. I had debated for weeks about covering them with cloth so I did not have to look at myself. But I am too vain.
It was raining when I walked home from town, so I striped off the wet clothes, and Ive found I striped away the inhibitions as well. Its strange, because as some of yous know I am a firm believer in nakedness. Id love to go to a nudist beach. I know why we cloth our bodies (sneeze) but I dont like it. We forget that we were born naked, and we start to think there is something to be hidden, something wrong with skin, hair, flesh.
Actually its clothes I dont like. I know I use them to hide my body. Once when I was at school in Malaysia I used to ware a thick woolly jumper, it was after some guys had told me they hated me because I had spots, large breasts and was fat. Im still stumped why this should have offended them to hate me, but still the emotional scares were carved. So its strange to think that one reason I am heavy is because I have issues with love and sex. Im sure yous will have heard of the idea that fat people cant see their genitals, actually I dont know many women who can without the help of a mirror, and Im not quite that large. But Ill agree that one of the reason that I stay this weight is because I dont want to be found sexually attractive.
OK so Im now cold, so clothes go on, and with them I wonder why I write such a way for something I want to post on a web site. I dont know. But its not like were in the Victorian era, we all know that the queen shits, and that some women do indeed do such things. . .
