2001-03-08 - 10:53:17
It’s been a while since I wrote last. Things do change. I dislike that I have to come to university to write this, because by the time I’ve made it in here, my feelings are totally different.
Yesterday should just not have happened. I found out that one of my class mates, who did less work than I did, got a much better grade. I found out that she is also applying for an internship which I was going for. And that the room which I was hoping to rent is also being eyed up. I got the feeling that I was just taking up space. The guy I had a crush on has come back and has not phoned me. Surprise surprise. So all this led to a very bad day. I went shopping but it did not help. So I went home and broke a razor, cut my left wrist, and now I’m walking around in a bit of a daze. This of course is nothing so unusually. I’ve done this for years now. I suppose it's more strange that it has not happened sooner. I'd layen off cutting for months. But yesterday things were different. I was thinking of dropping the Masters, skipping out on writing the thesis. And really there is no reason for me to stay, except that if I left I'd be without the safety net.
it's my birthday soon, and I've tired to arrange to cook dinner for my friends, but now I really don't want the stress. It's terrible when you want to shout, but there's no one to hear you
